Thursday, January 29, 2015

My Anorexia Story

Today I wanted to get personal with you guys.  I know that some of you may be dealing with this and I want to help.  I am an anorexic survivor.  The first step to any problem is admitting it.  Let's start from the beginning.

As a kid I was always quite chubby.  I couldn't be active thought due to being in a wheelchair.  My weight never bothered me until I was 11.  I was happy and just loving life.  I started noticing that all my friends were so skinny and could wear cute clothes.  I wanted to look like them.  Then it happened, I was called fat.  This totally devastated me.  I had to do something!  So I woke up one morning thinking if food makes you fat then not eating must make you skinny.  Logical right?

You have to remember that I was only 11 so I didn't even know eating disorders existed.  I started off by just skipping breakfast.  My parents worked full time so they never knew.  After a few months I realized I had lost a little weight.  It wasn't enough though so by summer I cut out lunch as well.  It took over my entire mind!  I became obsessed!  I was SO hungry but it was working!  People were noticing and say how good I looked!  My mom just assumed it was puberty until I decided I needed to be even skinnier.  Every night we ate dinner as a family so I had to take control but go unnoticed.  First I'd only eat half my plate and then a fourth until finally I would only eat 4-5 bites.  My mom would bribe and beg me to eat with ice cream, candy, and cake.

I'm not going to say my weight but I was slowly killing myself.  I was weak and tired all the time.  Finally my mom told me that if I kept going down this path I would die.  That's when it hit me.  I realized I wasn't being my true self.  I had let this obsession control me.  I started drinking Ensure shakes and slowly got my appetite back.  I'm not gonna lie, I still struggle daily with my weight.  You are never actually cured.  I still have thoughts about keeping my weight low.  I have learned to ignore them.  I just tell myself that I don't need to please others.  I am who I am.

If any of you are going through this know I'm here for you.  If you want talk privately you can email me or leave a comment.